Ameya: An unlikely subject for a blog post

Ameya Sinha is not Santa Claus. The real Santa wouldn't pressure me to write a post about him. But Ameya would. And Ameya did.

I associate Ameya with a lot of things. But most notably, with his style of texting - one which I approve of. His messages are long, neat, punctuated, and meaningful - just the way I like them. But when I am not receiving texts from Ameya (which I don't these days...take a hint, Ameya!) I read his status messages. They are witty and plagiarised.

He helped me out a lot with my SAT but still, coercing me to write this blog post about him is unacceptable. Ameya is one of your super-confident-bordering-on-cocky and upbeat people. He can shoot the breeze with strangers and charm them into doing his Environment Education project (part of it, at least). When you are around Ameya, there's never a dull moment. That might make him sound like a skin-brightening face cleanser, but that's Ameya. He does wonders for girls' complexions. Maybe he is a Santa Claus after all.

Teething Troubles

Yesterday, post midnight, I sat discussing the praying mantis with my friend. What sets the praying mantis apart from its other insect buddies is that the female praying mantis, after mating with the male, bites off his head. Feminists should make the praying mantis their poster girl. Who else embodies their aspirations so perfectly?
But if the mantis isn't floating their boat, they could have a look at the protagonist of the movie Teeth, who turns her vulnerability as a sexual prey into a weapon of, shall we say, mass destruction?
This post will proceed to review a movie more ridiculous than Twilight [yes, something is indeed more preposterous than it]. So, let's sink our teeth into the movie.

The Teeth is about a girl who has - wait for it - teeth in her vagina. She has teeth in her mouth, too, by the way. But let's not digress. So, the teeth which do not belong where they are perform the function of a pepper spray for the girl, albeit at a much later stage. She uses it to: bite off the finger of a perverted male gynaecologist; bite the apparatus of a boyfriend who forced himself upon her; bite off the equipment [do we see a pattern here?] of her degenerate stepbrother and release it on the ground for her dog to devour [ummmm, it must have been lip-smackingly delicious]. I hope she didn't bite off more than she could chew.

This movie is so bizarre that it is actually entertaining, in a droll fashion. But I was left with one question at the end of it: did she brush her teeth twice daily? Because it is just so important to

S-P-L-I-T-S VILLA

I know that watching MTv's Splitsvilla will peg me as a loser for the rest of my born days. In fact, I too believed that that was SV's target audience: a bunch of imbeciles with nothing better to do that watch the junk that MTv was dishing out. But now that I am one of those 'imbeciles', I hereby present:

A list of reasons why you SHOULD watch Splitsvilla!

1. The superabundance of entertainment. It's got slapping, hugging, stripping and kissing. Bitching and back-biting, mud-slinging and wound-licking.
2. These programmes are designed to make you feel good about yourself. While a bevy of hebetudinous young people:
   - speak English that makes me want to worship the porcelain God (=want to throw up),
   - have their political shenanigans exposed on TV,
   - humiliate themselves beyond belief...
   you sit at home and crack up at their expense.
3. It makes for a great conversation piece. Had that awkward moment when you don't know what to talk about or have run out of topics? Here's SV to the rescue! And the best part is, whether people admit it or not, they ALL watch SV. The country is crawling with closet SV fans!

There you go! I hope I have convinced you of the merits of watching Splitsvilla. And if I haven't...well, I am pretty sure you watch it anyway! ;)

[If you heard the song that the Agnee band sang at Splitsvilla and liked it, here's where you can download it: http://www.4shared.com/network/search.jsp?searchmode=2&searchName=agnee+episode+7

I recommend you download it even if you haven't heard it. It's mellifluous.]

MISSING

Name: Sikandar Singh Soin
Age: 16
Complexion: Wheatish
Built: Stout
Last Seen: Lost in Alisha's eyes

This person is also likely to be noticed because of his erratic behaviour. A few pointers might come in handy while confirming his identity:

• Thrusts his head forward while speaking
• Uses recondite language
• Is known for abstruse but intelligent conversation
• Consorts as smoothly with females as with males, thus giving fodder for speculation
• Likely to use adjectives that have saccharine undertones, such as sweetheart, honey or love
• Has an inclination to traipse, albeit companionless
• Evinces a keen desire for histrionics
• Recognised for speaking in almost muted tones when called upon by one of the many pedagogues at the Xavier's institute for learning
• Is often seen perambulating the premises of the college with earphones plugged in

Should any of you find an individual with idiosyncrasies similar to those mentioned above, kindly do contact Jonathan Martin who is bereft at the evanescence of his better half and significant other, Sikandar S. Soin.

Send him an email at mysterious-martin@hotmail.com and free him from his anguish for he is obsessively and compulsively checking his inbox every minute for news - any news - of his beloved.

Ad interim, we tarry and take notice.

Twilight: Chimerical Drivel

Marketed as the next best thing after the Harry Potter series, Twilight has captured the interest of girls all over the world, and that of a few guys too.

The series surpassed the expectation of the author, Stephanie Meyer; made Forks, Washington, a popular tourist destination and sold 25 million copies worldwide.

But what has slipped our notice is that 20 million of the aforementioned 25 million copies were sold in the United States of America itself. The rest of the world has the vexatious habit of following the Occidental culture. It began with pre-teens and teens going ga-ga over one of the most ludicrous movies ever made: High School Mucical. It was followed by the Twilight series. And shockingly, encomia were heaped upon it!

I hold the Twilight series in very low esteem. It has obnoxious protagonists. The description of their love for each other is unpalatable.

Edward Cullen is far from the perfect boyfriend. He is overbearing and unreal.
Bella Swan is an insecure teen who sells herself far too short. Oh, and before I forget, she is obsessive and an infidel!

Twilight contributes nothing whatsoever towards improving one's English. In fact, it could end up having a detrimental effect on your language skills for it is riddled with grammatical solecisms and Ms Meyers proclivity for prolixity is manifest in her superfluous use of adjectives!

Robert Pattinson (for the unitiated, he is the actor who plays the role of Edward Cullen in the recently released Twilight movie) in an interview was quoted saying certain things which upon hearing, Twilight-haters would put him on pedestal and Twilight-lovers would knock him off it...
He spoke about how the Twilight series is Stephanie Meyer's sexual fantasy. He added that he believed Ms Meyer was completely mad and in love with her fictional creation.

Twilight fans might be hasty in terming him as an ingrate. But we, the Twilight-haters, merely see him as a box-clever actor who knows a good opportunity when he sees one!

So, guys, get over this crepuscular crap and start reading books that make a little more sense than this one.

Nandini and her Traditional Toes

I first met Nandini when I was at MUWCI to give my interview. I was gripped with tension and had little penchant for small talk at that time. When back from the interview, I received an email from one genial first year student at MUWCI. It contained Nandini's email address among many others. And that was the start of my friendship with Nandini.

Even though she has been engaged in a whale of activities while at MUWCI, it hasn't slipped her mind to get in touch with me once in a while. On one such occasion when Nandini and I were chatting on the phone, we happened to discuss the very sensitive topic of age difference among married couples. And that was when I realized that Nandini, a little like me, has traditional toes!

I had been accused of ageism many a time by my friends when I expressed my disesteem for Danielle Steel's aged characters and the canyon of a gap between Mills and Boon's female and male leads.

Nandini's patronage for my views surprised me. She shared many of my views on the aforementioned. That led to a pleasant discourse where we discussed Jean Sasson's, Princess and other books and real life situations.

So, for all my friends who charged me with having bourgeois opinions, here's Nandini!

Neishaa: The Exponent

When I first met Neishaa in college, I wasn't sure if we would hit off very well. She, with her exuberant personality, was somewhat of a foil to my more reserved self. Plus, I didn't see how I could get to know her because she was always entirely too busy chatting with lover-boy.

But get to know her I did. Apart from the obvious stuff that one would notice about her such as her brown eyes, ready smile, socializing nature, liberal treating, love for being photographed, a spelling that conforms to all numerical and astrological formulae for a life full of benisons and so on and so forth, I happened to notice a lot more!

Neishaa is ebullient. She shows marked joie de vivre. She's enthusiastic and not afraid to venture into uncharted territory. She is sweet, but not cloyingly so.

More importantly, she has all the qualities of a great, great friend! She has supported me and upheld my beliefs on several occasions, positively influenced me with her pizzazz and warmed me with her presence.

Gradually, I have begun considering Neishaa a vey close friend and I hope that our friendship blooms in the next couple of months, and then stays that way for a long time!

Thanks, Neishaa for being there for me! It means a lot more to me than you realize!